Jane and her Stomping Boots vs the Abstract Concept of Entropy

Jane smiled a smile that showed off the tips of her teeth.

‘Do you have any idea who I am, mate?’

The creature glared down at her with a contemptuous expression cultivated over a thousand years.

‘Little fleshling,’ it said, with a voice like the grave. ‘I have just awoken from a sleep of centuries. Now, the stars are right. Now, I will reclaim this land.’

Jane nodded, as if in thought, and fished a carton of cigarettes from her jacket pocket.

‘That’s right impressive. Did you practice that, or is it all off-the-cuff, like?’

The floor shook.

‘Little fleshling,’ it said, moving first one limb and then another, and then another, shifting itself towards her. ‘My masters, gibbering mad in their waiting place beyond the stygian darkness of the space between stars, await only my call. They, and my siblings, and my formless children, will lay waste to the grey cities of man and dance to…’

Wait, thought Jane, did I remember to lock my door this morning?

‘…nothing left but me and my kind and the dying screams of…’

Oh flip, I didn’t, did I? Oh, that’s just perfect, she thought, lighting a cigarette. She kept the lighter in her left hand and fished around in her right pocket for the can of deodorant.

‘…be no hope of salvation.’ The creature stopped a few feet away from Jane, its tendrils twirling above its head (or, at least, the appendage from which it seemed to be uttering sounds). ‘This foolish, petty world will be plunged into unending insanity. Little fleshling—’

‘Right. Look, sorry to interrupt, but I wasn’t really listening to your big old speech there. There’s been a bunch of burglaries around where I live, right… never mind about that. Just, mate, maybe pretend like I’ve just made a proper witty comeback, all right?’

The creature let out a low growl. Jane clicked her tongue, lit the lighter, sucked in a lungful of smoke, and sprayed a nice big plume of fire right in the creature’s open beak.


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